


Bathtub Merman

by LumenWatch



Category: Diabolik Lovers
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Merman!Azusa, One Shot, Self-Harm, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 17:38:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19728520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumenWatch/pseuds/LumenWatch
Summary: The scales were the first thing that caught your attention, shades of blue and silver dimmed by the shade of the pier. As you neared, you were able to make out that they formed a long, sleek tail, ending in a delicate fin that was splattered with some sort of dark liquid. It was only when you had almost reached the pier that you managed to make out what the tail was attached to, however, the sight enough to make you stop in your tracks. A man’s torso, his skin deathly pale under the moonlight, the tail replacing where his legs should have been. Your breath caught in your throat. Mermaids and mermen were the stuff of fiction, there was no way the creature lying sprawled on the sand before you could be real.Seeming to sense your presence, his head lifted. A pale hand stretched out towards you. “Please…” the desperation was clear in his voice. “Help me.”





	Bathtub Merman

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Bathtub Mermaid by Mili. Huge trigger warning for self harm. Also just, unhealthy themes ahead, stay safe everyone.

There was something lovely about walking along the beach at night. The usually golden sand, turned silvery under the starlight, was soft beneath your bare feet, your shoes dangling from one hand. The ocean lapped peacefully against the shore, the water near black in the gloom. In your sleepy seaside town, you were often alone on your late night walks, making the beach your own private slice of paradise.

You came to a stop, admiring the rippling reflection of the moon on the waves. The sea breeze ruffled your hair and you shut your eyes for a moment, drinking in the smell and feel of it.

“Help… me…”

Eyes snapping open, you looked up and down the shoreline. The voice had been so faint it was almost lost against the sounds of the ocean.

“Hello?” You called out hesitantly. There was definitely no one else standing on the beach, but you were certain you’d heard something.

“Please… Help me…” The voice was a little louder this time, enough for you to be sure you hadn’t imagined it.

Eyes scanning up and down the coast, you were about to call out and ask them where they were, when a glint of something in the shadow under the pier caught your eye. Pausing only to shove your shoes back on, you took off, sprinting towards it.

The scales were the first thing that caught your attention, shades of blue and silver dimmed by the shade of the pier. As you neared, you were able to make out that they formed a long, sleek tail, ending in a delicate fin that was splattered with some sort of dark liquid. It was only when you had almost reached the pier that you managed to make out what the tail was attached to, however, the sight enough to make you stop in your tracks. A man’s torso, his skin deathly pale under the moonlight, the tail replacing where his legs should have been. Your breath caught in your throat. Mermaids and mermen were the stuff of fiction, there was no way the creature lying sprawled on the sand before you could be real.

Seeming to sense your presence, his head lifted. A pale hand stretched out towards you. “Please…” the desperation was clear in his voice. “Help me.”

Whatever he was, you couldn’t just leave him there to suffer. Taking the final few steps towards him, you knelt down, placing your hand on top of his own.

“It’s okay, I’m here. Just tell me what you need.” You tried to sound reassuring but were unable to keep the tremor from your voice, any doubts about your situation erased by the solid feeling of his cold hand. You kept glancing at the point where his human-part ended and the tail began. There was a real life merman right in front of you, looking at you with unfocused grey eyes.

“Need help… My tail… it’s injured. I can’t swim.” He struggled to lift his torso and as he did you caught sight of a deep gash along his chest, covered in more of the liquid you’d seen coating his tail. Shit. He needed medical attention, but how the hell were you going to achieve that? It wasn’t like you could just show up to the hospital with a merman. All you could think to do was to retrieve some medical supplies from your house and hope it was enough.

“I’m going to help you, but I need to get some things first. I don’t live that far from the beach, it won’t take long, I promise.” You slowly removed your hand from his and went to stand up but his fingers snatched out and locked around your wrist in a vice like grip.

“Please…” Watery grey eyes met yours. “Please don’t leave… Don’t leave me alone…” His hand was shaking.

“It won’t be for long, I just-“

“No! Don’t leave…” His grip tightened and you winced in response. How could his slender fingers hold so much strength?

“Okay, I won’t leave, but please let go.” He did as you asked and you sank back against the sand. Rubbing your bruised wrist, you sighed, so much for that plan. “Look, I want to help you but I can’t do that if I don’t have the supplies from my house.” You didn’t want to add that even then, you weren’t sure it would be enough.

He blinked at you, seeming to consider something for a moment. “Then… take me there.”

“What?” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You said it wasn’t… far so take me… to your house. Please.” Glancing up, you looked towards your home. It was close by, true, but even though his frame was slight, you doubted you could carry him there.

“I think the only way I could get you there would be to drag you along the beach. That’ll just make your injuries worse; I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you told him.

“I don’t mind… the pain. I just… don’t want to be alone.” Biting your lip, you considered your options. He wouldn’t let you leave and you couldn’t call an ambulance. So be it then.

“Fine, I’ll take you there.” You ran a hand through your hair, trying to work out how best to move him. “What should I call you by the way?”

“My name… is Azusa,” he said softly.

“Well then, Azusa, I guess we should get on with it. If it hurts too much, you’ll have to tell me to stop.”

A small smile crept over his features. “Don’t worry… it won’t.”

* * *

Azusa drifted in and out of consciousness as you half-carried, half-dragged him along the beach. There were periods where he could feel the sand against his tail, pain lashing through it, and your warm hands on him, interspersed with moments of darkness. You were talking to him but he couldn’t focus long enough to work out exactly what it was you were trying to say. The one thing he was able to catch onto was your name, and the sound of it was beautiful.

At some point, the sand turned into a hard surface and then he was in a brightly lit room, a soft floor beneath him.

“Come on Azusa, stay with me.” Your voice was barely audible over the ringing in his ears but now that he wasn’t moving, the sharp pain lancing through his tail had faded to a duller ache and the dark spots in his vision were receding. ”I’m going to get some antiseptic and stuff, okay? I’ll be right back.”

He tried to tell you not to leave him but you were gone before he could manage it. At least he seemed to be in your home now, so you were unlikely to abandon him here.

As he waited for you to return, Azusa took in his new surroundings. There were so many things here he couldn’t name, human objects that his kind never usually got to see. Even the soft material of the floor was foreign to him.

“Sorry for the wait.” You returned carrying some sort of basket filled with bottles and boxes of various kinds. “I don’t have the most extensive collection of first aid supplies but hopefully I’ll be able to come up with something. I think we should probably start with your chest first.” You knelt down beside him and started cleaning the wound.

Azusa glanced down at his torso, he didn’t remember getting the injury but it did explain the pain there. Still, it paled in comparison to that he could feel in his fin, the delicacy of the body part making it that much more sensitive.

“Azusa, this blue stuff, is it your blood?” What a strange question.

“Yes… why would it… not be?”

“It’s just... human blood is red, not this-” you gestured to his chest “-dark blue. It’s not bad, I’m just a little surprised.” Seemingly satisfied that the wound was clear of dried blood and sand you, you picked out a couple of other items. “I’m going to put some antiseptic on you now, okay? This might sting a little.”

He let out a soft noise as you dabbed at the gash once more, something sending a sharp sting through him. It felt wonderful. “Will you… show me?”

“Hm?” You looked up from your work, confused.

“Your blood. I want… to see how it’s different.” You pulled a face in response and Azusa couldn’t quite work out why.

“Not right now, let’s just focus on patching you up okay?” You gave him a comforting smile. “Why don’t you tell me how this happened?”

“I was out swimming… My brothers told me not to… go out too far but I lost track… of where I was and got caught in a current… My fin was damaged when I got… slammed into some rocks… I don’t remember much else… aside from waking up on the beach.” Azusa frowned. His brothers must have started to worry when he didn’t return before sunset, but with his fin damaged, there was no way he could get back to them.

“You said on the beach that you couldn’t swim. Will… will your tail heal?” Azusa glanced down at his lower half.

“I think so, but… I don’t know… how long it’ll take. I can’t… go back to the ocean like this.” Panic started to set in as the reality of the situation dawned on him. What would he do?

Your brow furrowed but you continued working on his wounds. “I mean, I’d say you could stay here but you’re a merman. Can you last on dry land that long?”

He paused, considering your question. “I’m not sure… We heal faster… if we’re in water though.”

“So for your injuries to mend you need to stay in water but you can’t swim until they’re healed? Hm I wonder… If it was a small body of water, would you be okay?”

“Yes. Even a little… should help.”

“I have a bathtub. It’s small so it might not be that comfortable but I guess it’s better than nothing. I’ll let you see it once I’m done and you can see what you think.” You offered him another one of your small little smiles and Azusa thought it might just be the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

“You’ll… let me stay here?” Even though he’d asked to be taken here, Azusa hadn’t expected such kindness from the first person who’d found him on the beach.

“Unless you have somewhere else to go. I’m not just going to dump you back into the ocean while you’re hurt.” Once you’d finished with his injuries, and covered them in waterproof dressings, you struggled to move him into your bathroom. He felt a little bad that there was nothing he could do to help, but merfolk were not made to move with ease on land.

In your bathroom, Azusa was greeted with shades of white and pastel blue. A shiny white tub, just large enough for him to fit in comfortably in the corner of the room and he assumed that’s what you must have meant by ‘bathtub’.

“It’s nice but… there’s no water.” He glanced up at you in confusion.

“Oh, that’s fine. I’ll fill it up in a minute. Would this be okay? I know it’s small and-“

“No,” he interrupted you. “It’s lovely… Thank you, you’re… very kind.”

You turned on one of the taps and Azusa stared at it mystified. Seeming to catch onto his confusion, you tried to explain how it worked. He didn’t really understand but nodded along anyway.

Once the tub was reasonably full, you helped Azusa into it, your eyes straying to his wrists as you did. The faintly warm water felt wonderful against his cold skin and his eyes closed in bliss. He was so focused on the sensation he almost missed your next words.

“Azusa, how did you get all those scars?” He opened his eyes and found you looking at him with a concerned expression. Glancing down at himself, the merman admired the patchwork of pale, raised skin lining his arms. He traced a slender finger over one of the larger marks.

“These are… my friends.” Your expression changed to one of confusion.

“Your friends?”

“Yes, they’re important to me… They show that… I was valued. Do you… not have any?” He asked, eyes roaming over your skin for some sign of imperfection.

“That’s not…” Your expression changed into something unreadable before brightening again, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Maybe things are a bit different in the sea, but we don’t hurt people to people to show we care about them. We show affection through things like this.”

You kissed his cheek, your lips warm and soft against his skin. It was chaste and all too quickly, you pulled back.

“Goodnight Azusa, I’ll check on you first thing in the morning. Call for me if you need anything.”

“Goodnight…” He watched you as you left the room, fingers tracing over the spot where you had kissed him, the phantom sensation of you lingering. It was strange, it hadn’t hurt but he’d loved the feeling of it none the less.

* * *

Those days in the first few weeks Azusa lived with you were quite possibly the happiest of his life. The human world was strange and new, even if he could only experience a small part of it from the confines of your bathroom. But for every question he had, you would give him an answer, taking the time to explain anything he didn’t understand. You were always so very patient with him, even with his slow manner of speech that other merfolk had jeered at him for.

Your hands were soft and delicate each time you replaced his dressings, even when he said he’d prefer it if they weren’t, if you could make it hurt. A sad look always entered your eyes when he said that, why, he couldn’t quite understand. Then you’d press your lips to the injury, give him a soft smile and tell him that humans liked to believe a kiss would make things better and that it was much nicer than pain.

Nearly all of your hours at home were spent sitting by the tub, telling him stories of your own life or listening to him talk about his brothers.

And when you went out, either to work or buy food, you always tried to leave him with something he could use to entertain himself; things such as small wooden puzzle games or beautifully illustrated picture books. He couldn’t understand the words contained within their pages, as while you spoke the same common tongue, the merfolk did not use the same script as humans, but he could admire the shapes and colors, trusting you’d read the actual story to him when you got home.

The longer he spent with you, the more a warm feeling grew in his chest, quite unlike anything he’d felt before. The bathtub might have been small enough to make most of his kind feel trapped, but it had started to feel like home.

And then things started to change. You’d leave to go to your job earlier and earlier, and yet come back later each day. Someone at your work was absent apparently, and so you had to do more to pick up the slack.

You still checked on his injuries whenever you could, replacing the dressings regularly but gone were the many hours you’d spend sitting by the tub, talking to him and showing him various human artifacts he’d never heard of before. Now he was lucky if he got to see you for more than an hour a day. You looked so tired after you came back from work, with the circles under your eyes growing darker each time he saw you.

Yesterday had been the worst. You’d left before he’d even woken up, leaving only an apologetic note in your absence. By the time you’d returned, the sun had set low in the sky and Azusa had almost started to fear you might not come back. You’d given him a strained smile before checking on his injuries and uttering the words that had made him feel like his blood had turned to ice in his veins.

“I’m sorry I’ve had to leave you alone so much, Azusa. But your wounds look almost completely healed so I think you’ll be able to go back to the ocean soon.”

The words should have made him happy. He should be glad at the prospect of returning to his home and his brothers. But he wasn’t. Azusa just wanted you to spend time with him again, to look at him, to touch him. You were all he thought about anymore, even the friends on his wrist had been painfully neglected.

It was as he looked at those pale marks on his forearms that he’d come to a realization. You had been at your most attentive when his wounds were most severe, it was only now they were mostly healed that he’d been left to linger in the lukewarm water alone. And it was always when his scars and injuries came up that you’d press your lips to his skin, leaving a lovely pleasant feeling in their wake.

So it made sense, that if he were injured again, then you’d return to the way you’d been before. The logic of it seemed so simple and clear to him. Just like that, a familiar ache returned to his arm, the need to feel something sharp and strong, to renew his friends and atone for ignoring them for so long.

In the ocean it was easy to find sharp bits of metal from shipwrecks; your bathroom however, was free of the rust coated shards he would normally use. The picture book you’d left him with for the day was discarded on the floor, and Azusa scanned the room for something he could use.

A sliver of silver caught his eye and soon the object was in his hands. It had been resting on the ledge at the end of the tub since he’d been here, something of yours you’d forgotten to move, but he’d never gotten round to asking what it was.

A few thin lines of metal ran in parallel, bordered by plastic that joined to form some sort of handle. He pressed his thumb against the metal edge, feeling the sharpness of it. A faint ache blossomed and Azusa hummed in response. It wasn’t the sort of thing he usually favored, but as long as it could draw blood then it would be fine. As long it would hurt while it did its work.

It took Azusa very little time at all to stain the silver of the metal a deep dark blue.

* * *

As you unlocked the door to your house that afternoon, you loosed a grateful sigh. Your colleague had finally returned to work, meaning your days of slaving away at all hours should finally be at an end.

You felt incredibly guilty about leaving Azusa on his own for so long, but having a mermaid live in your bathtub did not make you an exception when it came to paying bills. Your lips quirked at the thought. The morning after you’d found Azusa on the beach, you’d half expected to find your bathtub empty, the whole incident part of some strange surreal dream. Instead, you’d been greeted by that beautiful sleek blue and silver tail, the colors so much more vibrant in the morning rays from the sun, and Azusa dozing peacefully, his head resting against the side of the tub.

In the short time you’d known him, you’d become fond of the merman, his minor oddities aside. It was nice to be able to spend the evenings with someone, to have a person willing to listen to you who would confide in you in turn.

The door swung open and the sound of a soft muttering greeted you. It wasn’t unusual to come home and find Azusa talking to himself so you paid it no mind and called out to him cheerfully.

“Azusa, I’m home.” The muttering stopped.

“Welcome… home.” Was it just you or did his speech seem a little slower than normal? You dumped your bags and shoes by the door before going to say a proper hello and seeing if there was anything your temporary house-guest needed.

A scent hit you when you were partway to the bathroom door, some strange cross between iron and ammonia.

“Azusa?” You said, caution entering your voice.

“I’m… in here.” Pressing your palm against the cool wood of the bathroom door, you carefully pushed it open. The sight that greeted you was something out of a nightmare.

Trickles of dark blue liquid ran down the sides of the shiny white tub, the water inside it stained a similar colour. Azusa, seemingly unperturbed by the tainted fluid surrounding him, was admiring the dark blue marks on his forearms. At the sound of you entering the room, his head lifted, revealing hazy grey eyes. 

“How was… your day?” You couldn’t respond, it was as though the air had vanished from your lungs. The smell of what must have been his blood was making you feel ill, like you’d spill your insides over the floor. How could he speak to you as though nothing was wrong? Like this was some part of an everyday routine?

“Azusa what… what did you do?” It was a wonder you could get your voice to function.

“I needed to… renew my friends. Remind them… that I still care.” For some reason, he looked at you expectantly as you took in the awful sight. Like there was some way he thought you’d react. It was then that you caught sight of the object grasped tightly in one of his pale, slender hands.

“My razor…” Oh God, you’d just left it there. Even though you’d seen the network of scars on his arms, you’d just left the damn thing within his reach. Guilt, awful and wretched, curled within your chest.

“Oh so… that’s what it’s called.” Azusa twirled the stained thing in his hands and you thought you might be sick then and there.

With shaking hands, you reached out for the razor. “Azusa, can you give that to me please?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize… you liked this too. But I’m happy if you do… it means we’re the same.” He held up the razor with a smile. “I could do it for you… if you’d like.”

“No, I just…” You snatched up the razor, eager to get it out of his grasp. It felt wrong to touch it somehow, and as quickly as you could, you dropped it on the bathroom counter, well out of the merman’s reach. “Where did you hurt yourself?”

“Just… on my arms,” he replied.

“I’m going to get you cleaned up,” you said, getting down on shaking knees to reach into the cupboard for your first aid supplies. “And then, Azusa, we need to talk.”

Patching up his arms took longer than you would have liked. Your hands wouldn’t stop trembling, making your movements clumsy. Azusa seemed to think you were cold and had offered for you to join him in the faintly warm bath water. You’d taken one look into the dark liquid and almost retched at the suggestion.

Cleaning up the bath took even longer, as it required that you move Azusa out of it first. He’d offered to help you as you started to scrub at the once perfectly white porcelain, and in the shaky state you were in, you’d snapped at him. It felt like kicking a puppy and you apologized as soon as you realized what you’d done. Azusa had smiled in response and told you that you could hit him if you were angry. With the scent of his blood still thick in the air, you hadn’t known how to respond.

Once all traces of the dark blue liquid were gone and Azusa was resettled in the bath, you knelt down by the side of the tub. He looked at you with a dreamy expression and you wondered how everything could have gone so wrong in such a short space of time.

“Azusa, what you did today-“ you started.

“You’re happy with me… right?” Azusa interrupted, grey eyes bright with expectation.

“What?” How? How could he possibly believe this could make you happy?

“When I’m injured… you pay attention to me… So now, you’ll spend time with me again, won’t you?”

“Azusa, I’m not happy that you hurt yourself!” You shot to your feet, knowing you shouldn’t raise your voice at him but unable to keep it quiet. “I treated your injuries because I don’t want you to be hurt! I wasn’t avoiding you on purpose or because of anything you’d done, I just had to do my job. You can’t, you can’t do this when I’m not here. It’s not fair Azusa because then I feel like it’s my fault!”

The merman simply looked up at you with a mystified expression, as though unable to comprehend why that was a bad thing. Exasperated, you ran a hand through your hair and sat down by his side again. It seemed you would need to put things more simply.

“Azusa, to me, pain isn’t good, so I don’t want you to feel it either, okay? Maybe you see the world differently, but while you’re here, I need you to understand that this-“ you gestured to the waterproof Band-Aids on his wrists “-is not okay. I’m sorry I haven’t been spending much time with you but this is not the right way to react to it.” Whether or not your words were getting through, you had no idea. You weren’t qualified to deal with this but it wasn’t like you could call over someone who was. “I need you to promise me that you won’t do this again. I will try to get you back to your home as soon as I can, I swear.”

At your words something in Azusa’s eyes darkened but you couldn’t tell why. “I won’t… use the razor again. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you angry but… you can hit me, to make you feel better.” This was the second time he’d proposed the idea. What on Earth must he have gone through for this to be okay?

“I don’t want to hit you Azusa,” you said sadly. “I just want to help you get back to where you belong.”

The merman frowned in response and you decided to change the subject, to bring back some small sense of normalcy. It was selfish, you knew that, but it was all you could do avoid curling into a heap on the floor and sobbing.

Azusa seemed happy enough to comply, asking about how your day had been. But throughout it all, that scent of iron and ammonia never fully faded from the room.

* * *

Azusa stared miserably into the lukewarm bathwater covering his tail. The initial few days after the incident with the razor had been nice. You’d checked on the wounds every morning and night, even though he knew they weren’t serious, and it’d been wonderful; to spend time with you first thing in the morning and last thing before he went to sleep.

However as soon as the cuts had started to look less nasty, you’d gone back to spending more time at work and, if anything, your absence only left a bigger hole in his heart than before.

But that wasn’t the worst part of it. Since that day, you’d made increasing mentions of him returning home. You seemed to think he’d harmed himself out of stress at being in a form of captivity, like a caged parrot tearing out its feathers, and that returning him to the sea would solve the problem. But he didn’t want to go back. He might have called the ocean his home once, but if he returned to it, he had no way of making sure he would see you again. You could vanish from his life like smoke and from the ache in his chest after not seeing you for a few hours, Azusa was sure it would kill him if he could never see you again.

Maybe if he hurt himself again, and more deeply, you’d give him more attention. But he’d seen you clear out all of your razors and other sharp objects. Even the scissors you used to cut his bandages had been safely put away, far out of his reach.

Azusa scrapped his nails down the skin of his wrist and, although a faint sting of pain trailed in their wake, it wouldn’t do. It wouldn’t do at all. He had to do something and if he made it more permanent this time, perhaps he could ensure you would never try to get him to leave again. You were the kindest person he’d ever met, he was sure you’d let him stay if he was badly injured enough, just as you had done for those first few weeks.

Having you tend to him every day seemed like a dream. Azusa had never wanted anything quite as badly as he wanted you to look at him, to touch him. Your eyes were the most lovely he’d ever seen and even a gentle caress from your fingers left a fire burning under his skin. He would do anything if it meant he could stay with you.

Azusa glanced around the room, looking for anything he could use and his gaze landed on the shimmering blue ocean, just visible in the distance from your bathroom window. He’d heard stories of mermaids and mermen who had been captured and taken permanently from the sea. Supposedly, the longing to return to it never left them and most went mad from it. But Azusa felt nothing as he stared at the glistening waves. If anything, the sight of the large open water made his stomach curdle. How easy it would be, to be lost to its dark depths and be forgotten.

His fingernails gouged deep enough into his skin to draw blood and the pain brought him out of his reverie. A reminder that he was still alive, still serving a purpose. Azusa looked away from the window and as he did, the mirror fastened to the wall just past the bathtub caught his attention. If he could smash it with his tail, the shards should be sharp enough for him to use.

Sinking low into the water, Azusa extended his tail and slammed it hard into the mirror. Once. Twice. With the third strike, a satisfying reverberation ran up his spine and the sound of shattering glass was clear in spite of the liquid filling his ears. Raising his torso out of the water, he took in the now broken mirror, pieces of it forming a field of debris on the floor.

A large fragment caught the light and Azusa strained to reach for it, water slopping out of the bathtub in the process. As his fingers closed around the piece, a sharp sting shot through his hand. Droplets of blue blood welled from where he’d grabbed the knife-like edge of the shard too eagerly and his eyes lit up with glee. It was perfect.

Retreating so that his back rested against the smooth side of the tub, Azusa examined the patchwork of scars on his forearms, his usual preferred canvas. They were busy now, full of friends old and new. However, he knew it wouldn’t be enough this time. It had to be deep. Not enough to kill him but to prevent him from ever being cast back into the dark depths of the sea.

Once again his gaze drifted back to the ocean and an idea came to him as he took one final look at the miserable body of water. Yes, that would do it.

Turning away from the window, Azusa looked over his own body. He was no stranger to damaging himself but this was greater than anything he’d ever done before.

“Ruki, Kou, Yuma… I’m sorry.” The mirror shard cut a clean arc through the air and even Azusa could not stop the scream that rose from his throat as it found its target.

* * *

A heavy sigh escaped you as you walked down the familiar street towards your house. Work was running you ragged and although you didn’t need to pull all of these extra hours anymore, you did so regardless. You knew you shouldn’t leave Azusa on his own for so long but ever since you’d caught him with your razor, the sense of companionship you’d felt around the merman had been replaced by something uncomfortable.

It wasn’t that you didn’t care. You did but it frightened you; that self-destructive part of him. Not to mention how he’d talked about the pain and offered to let you experience the same thing. Ordinarily you would have tried to take him to a professional, someone better equipped to help him than you were, but he was something out of a fairy tale. If you’d tried to tell someone about it, you were quite positive they would have thought you mad.

Perhaps he just needed to go back to the ocean. His arms had been healing up nicely and while awful weather had kept you from being able to safely return him to his home for the past few days, tonight the sky was clear and the ocean peacefully lapped against the shore. You’d miss him but it would be best for the both of you.

You tried to think of a way to break the subject to him as you fumbled with the keys in your front door but the second it swung open, your train of thought stopped dead.

The iron and ammonia scent of mermaid blood tainted the air like poison. An awful feeling coiled in your gut and your belongings slipped from your hand, tumbling to the floor.

“Azusa!” You shrieked, sprinting for your bathroom. Not again. You couldn’t deal with this again. How did he even manage it? Racking your brain, you tried to think if there was anything you could possibly have missed when you cleared out the sharp objects, but nothing came to mind.

Please let him be okay. Please just let him be okay. He would have been better off lying on that beach until one of his brothers came for him; you should never have gotten involved.

You slammed the bathroom door open and it was an effort not to vomit at the sight that greeted you. The pastel blue and white tiles of your bathroom were splattered with dark-blue stains of mermaid blood and the fragments of a broken mirror. The mirror! Damn it, you’d never thought…

It was an effort to look into the bathtub, knowing that whatever you saw, it wouldn’t be pleasant. You managed it, however, and a cry escaped your lips as you took in the sight. The bathwater was a deep, dark blue and you hated to think how much blood he must have lost for it to turn that colour. His torso was visible above the surface, resting limply against the side of the tub. In contrast to the darkness of the water, his skin looked almost white and, were it not for the faint rise and fall of his chest, you would have thought him dead.

The most horrific part however, was the glittering sliver and blue fin splattered with yet more dark liquid lying discarded on the floor next to the bathtub, a bloody stump visible where it should have been.

Hazy grey eyes caught sight of you and your name fell like a prayer from his blue-tinted lips. Your legs were shaking so badly that you collapsed onto the bathroom floor, the broken pieces of mirror crunching under your weight.

“Azusa, what… what have you done? Oh God, what have you done?” Your voice came out somewhere between a whisper and a sob.

“I didn’t… Want to leave you but… You were going to make me.” His voice was even more slow and broken than usual. “But like this… I can’t go back. I can’t swim anymore so… I can stay here with you, right? Hey-” a pale hand moved from the water and gripped your forearm so tightly you were positive it would leave a bruise “-you’ll let me stay with you now… Won’t you?”

The only noise that escaped your throat was a choked cry. You couldn’t think beyond the stench of blood and the sight of that mangled stump at the end of his tail. Why didn’t you think about the mirror? Why didn’t you take him back to beach the moment he started to show these self-destructive tendencies? Why was this happening to you? Why? Why? Why?

He said your name again and you blinked up at him. “You’re… bleeding…” At some point he’d lifted your hand and turned it over, giving you a view of a nasty gash on your palm. You must have caught it on part of the mirror when you fell.

Azusa ran a thin finger over the wound, smearing the blood across your palm. “Your blood is such a lovely colour… I wish… that mine looked like this.” He admired the red liquid, so bright against his deathly pale skin.

You twisted your hand and looked at the laceration through blurry vision. It should hurt, but your body just felt numb. Blood dripped from your hand, landing on your stained floor and mixing with some of Azusa’s that had yet to dry.

“Don’t cry.” He took your face into his hands, smearing your blood on your cheek. His hands were so so cold against your skin. “Isn’t it lovely? The pain… Like a reminder that you’re alive.”

“I don’t… I can’t…” It felt hard to breath, like you were underwater. “I didn’t want this Azusa. How… How could you do this to yourself?”

His response sent a shiver down your spin.

“I would do anything to stay with you… because… I love you.”

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. And as his cold mouth moved against your own, you felt like you were going to drown.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an idea for a short follow up drabble to this piece but I’m also fond of the more open-ended conclusion here, so let me know if you want it!


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